A couple days ago, I was sitting in front of a blank wall...thinking, always thinking. Then I had a vision…. a square. So I drew that 48”x48” square on the wall.
To take a step back, before I did either of those things it was a long year, a very long year of what I identify as nothingness/ emptiness. In non-emotional terms and heavily on the clinical explanation this “nothingness” means low production to me. It’s subjective, just like “success”. To get to the point, since October of last year I have only made 42 works of art. These things I call art, are not sketches, experiments, failures, attempts, or bad art pieces; they are what I would/could consider putting out into the world in an exhibition. All of this work, to me, had no focus or intent other than an emotional distraction- I always have to be doing something, so I did anything I could which would hold my interest long enough to finish what I started. It was a chore and not much energy after they were started to do anything else. In dealing with my own personal issues (depression, anger, resentment, blame, et.al. - to name just a few) in some ways making art has always been my zen moment, my meditation, my exhaling. So, as much as I didn't feel much like investing my time in making art, I also knew I had to. Which brings me back to 2 days ago/last week.
There is a time when sitting in a chair and staring at a blank wall is as productive (and necessary) as physically standing up and working on your art- they are one in the same. I think and stare a lot throughout the process. So, after a few days of serious focus, it came to me… a square. A square is platonic in its geometry, but also complex and difficult in its proportions when considering heavily on composition as I typically do. I think I envisioned the square because it is so quotidian it was easy as any a place to start, and start is exactly what it allowed me to do. In almost a rush of clarity, inspiration, and vision, I saw everything full of possibilities to finally feel like there was some a reason to start again.
I know this may all seem trivial, but to me my interest has always been in the moments we overlook or don't consider and at this time it’s all coming together both personally and professional all at the same time. So I begin.
Which brings me to today/ this morning and getting to the studio and grabbing my chair right in front of a blank wall with nothing more that a square drawn on the wall. The thing about process, and most people get this wrong, is that process has no starting point, it’s constantly evolving and changing - a continuum to move forward. It’s not planned, it’s not thought to be right in a higher percentage than not, it’s not a pedantic order of things done or executed, and it definitely does not know what it’s going to be before you start. As I sat there for a brief while, the cliched “vision” hit me and I started. What stuck me at this time with all its focus, clarity and vision is that I started in the middle- very strange. A collage made of collages, only an implied format (48”x 48”), no solid base/framework to start from (just a single piece of paper floating). The place in which I’m starting is somewhere in the middle between all the pieces of paper before it. To say it’s exhilarating to start something you haven't seen before equally shares the same place of being nervous and unsure. These are great places to begin!
#personal #process #collage #paper #art #contemporaryart #Emotions #PaperHouses #DomesticPaterns #Domesticity #Black and #White #apophenia #heterotaxia
